A text to my father
A text to my father in Spain.
Sept 8th 2018. I was sick for 1.5 years. I finally figured it was my levels of b12... I need to bathe in b12. If it helps anyone out there this was me beaten. Then in November I told the doctor I needed to inject myself and be at 500 level not 200. Your allowed 200 to 900. But in 🇮🇪 and 🇬🇧 they don't inject once at 200.
"I love how you live. You know where you are.
I feel very lost. I am not the Alex of old. I don't know how to find him again. I am so unsure of how to proceed. My confidence is so low julio.
Can you imagine julio... Alex who was so capable - so resilient. Now I'm a shadow of that person.
I have 3 children and I'm not working. Why? Because I don't know what to do.
I know what I am saying is ridiculous.
That opportunity... I talked about. Look, it's a beautiful little pub but I know in my heart it would be wrong to do it. Because the owners are going to be problematic. So I know this - I know it even though I am feeling so wierd.
Can you imagine - how I have ended here feeling so useless.
You know something... I once was a man who worked so hard and provided for his family. But I was not a father to my kids. Now I am a father but I'm no longer a man.
I thought over time I would get better. But when I start looking for work I get like this. I feel depressed because my lack of confidence and now experience... yes experience I am 12 years in one industry that I think I want to stay away from. So it's really wierd.
You know julio when I hear you talk about football - that's how I felt about work - about Slatterys.
I need to break out of this.... I need to find a way out and find that happy and confident alex again.
I'm sorry for writing sad stuff”
For the 1st time in 4 years I have b12 levels consistently in the 500s for 9 months.
B12 is critical for production of myelin. When you learn as fast as I do you eat up b12 as new cells are created. I had no fuel.
I thought it was all over.
It’s only starting.
If you think and learn fast your brain creates new connections faster than others. These connections need Myelin. Myelin sheaths protect the newly formed connections. I had no myelin. B12 is also used in many other critical processes.
Here are two videos you should watch one is short - the other is 14 min and it saved my life.
By the way… anyone who tells you not to research your own problems is a fool. Knowledge is everything. My doctor was brilliant but she could only do what she was allowed to do.